Clegg refutes May’s ‘thumping great weasel’ allegation


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Nick Clegg has accused Theresa May of making “false and outrageous” slurs over her conference speech claim that he is a thumping great weasel who wouldn’t know a genuine political conviction if one woke him up tomorrow with croissants and an especially tender kiss.

The Home Secretary also said that the Lib Dems have put children in danger by blocking surveillance legislation.

“To say I’m a weasel is a level of misinformation I’ve not witnessed in four and a half years of this government,” Clegg fumed. “I’d resign on principal except I haven’t got any.”

“Furthermore,” he continued. “It’s not just the Lib Dems that have endangered children but the whole government as we’ve cut back vital services and lowered the standard of living. So that’s better, isn’t it? Um…”

The Liberal Democrat conference begins on Saturday. They are still looking for a celebrity to attend, and some clowns.

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