Cameron launches ‘whole-house subsidy’ for Young Conservatives

Cameron and IDS explain how housing policy works, to a person with little money. “Hmm, subsidies aren’t really for poor people. Are you sure you have no shares you can sell?”

David Cameron has announced that a new Tory Government would build 100,000 new houses, to be sold at 20% under market value to first time buyers under 40.

“But they must be hard working people, this will be no something-for-nothing handout for lazy or even moderately well performing people” said the man who’s had everything in life presented to him on a silver salver, carried into his drawing room by people too idle to be born into wealth and patronage.

“So we’ll be asking for references from someone trustworthy. Maybe their employers, if they haven’t yet inherited the family business, maybe the chairman of their local Conservative Association. We’re quite flexible.”

Responding to questioning, the Prime Minister explained how the scheme has been funded “Well, we’ve been very pleased with what Iain Duncan Smith clawed back for the treasury, through axing the totally unfair spare room subsidy for Labour-inclined voters. Just that on its own allowed us to promise this entirely fair and proportionate whole-house subsidy for potential Tory voters.”