“I’d’ve shown her the world, as long as it’s on Netflix.”
With the news that the stunningly good looking full time charity workers and occasional movie stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married this weekend the pathetic and lonely have come to realise that they were never in with a chance to begin with.
“I know they’ve been together for years and have six kids,” said villager and pub bore Alec Fairchild. “But it still could’ve happened. Brad might have been filming near by and we could’ve bumped into each other in Tesco Metro and something wonderful begun. Of course he’d have to live in Harold and me and Mum don’t have room for the kids but we’d have made it work, I know we would.”
Mark Keen, a support worker up at Piebald House has been left saddened and worried by Brangelina plighting their troth. “I don’t think she’s happy,” he said. “That Brad’s too pretty. You can’t trust a bloke who puts so much time into his appearance, it’s not natural.” Pausing to scratch one of his chins he added. “I would have shown her what a real man’s like. And smells like too. You wouldn’t catch me making a perfume advert. No chance.”
The desperate and lonely are reminded that dreams can come true and that both Ryan Gosling and Cameron Diaz remain single.
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