Quarter of a million birthday cards are pulped without Prince George even seeing them

"At least I've more hair than my Dad"

“At least I’ve more hair than my Dad”

There was shock and disappointment amongst Royal well-wishers when it emerged that the hundreds of thousands birthday cards sent to Prince George are never actually seen by the Royals.

Caught off guard after an afternoon stocktaking in the Royal cellars, a loose tongued flunky revealed a number of secrets from the Royal household to our undercover Evening Harold reporter.

“Those well-meaning morons think their cards are personally opened by William and Kate in with baby George chewing the envelopes and gurgling with delight,” he told us. “But the reality is that the sacks of post are delivered straight to the office, opened to take out any money or vouchers, and then pulped.”

So how will the Cambridges’ celebrate the little one’s birthday? “I doubt if they’ll even see the brat, to be honest,” he continued, “the photos were posed a couple of weeks ago and he’ll probably be with the nannies.”

“Kyra and Little Wills, as they are known downstairs, will be busy doing other things. Kyra will be undergoing her regular six hour hair regime whilst Little Willis will be playing with the same toy soldiers that his mother gave him when he was six, as he does every Tuesday.”

The news that Prince George doesn’t see his birthday cards has been greeted with horror by Royal watchers. “I’m appalled and upset,” said appalled and upset grandmother Vera Bunion, “I’ve been following the Royal Family for fifty years and I’ve a good mind to start supporting different Royals in future. That Dutch crowd seem a sensible lot.”

Even if Mrs Bunion doesn’t switch allegiance, her husband Ted will have to find a new pair of trousers. “As a mark of protest,” she announced “I’ve decided to stop Ted from wearing those Petit Bateau blue dungarees.”

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