Iain Duncan Smith recovering after operation to remove final traces of compassion

Duncan Smith and his shadow. That’s our ‘is vampire’ theory blown.

Iain Smith is today recovering in hospital having had a major operation. The surgery to remove the final traces of his compassion is believed to be the first of its kind.

“Iain Duncan Smith was rushed to St Mary’s Hospital, Westminster last night after complaining of feeling unwell,” said a Downing Street spokesperson. “It is believed he saw a picture of a rough sleeper that was used to illustrate a report on the rise in homelessness and instead of laughing as he normally would felt a brief twinge of concern.”

“Instantly aware that something was very wrong he had an aide dial 999.”

The decline in Duncan Smith’s health follows a bizarre performance in the House of Commons yesterday when Shadow Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Rachel Reeves remarked on Universal Credit saying:

“At the current rate of progress, it will be another 1.052 years before he reaches his target of 7.8 million.”

Despite this Duncan Smith continued to insist that “the project is on schedule” painting a daunting picture of 1000 years of the current government and him knowing something about life expectancy that the rest of us don’t.

We at the Evening Harold would like to wish Iain Duncan Smith a speedy recovery because even being dead wouldn’t stop Atos declaring him fit for work.