Some have criticised Jihadist management techniques as ‘crude’.
Islamic insurgents who took over an oil refinery in Iraq are confident they ‘have what it takes’ to run the plant efficiently.
ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi addressed his associates, while clutching an AK-47 and a Six Sigma training manual.
“Allah Akbar, change management is great”, said al-Baghdadi. “This new agile way of working will value all partners equally, especially those infidels who have relevant engineering qualifications.”
Al-Baghdadi explained how his first initiative was to introduce a flat management structure. “I did this by entering the boardroom and gunning everyone down, and then leaving the bodies to lay on the floor. It was a frank but constructive meeting, we do not have a blame culture.”
Emotional intelligence is important to ISIS, and Al-Baghadi claimed his team was customer-focused. “It is not enough to satisfy our end users, we must strive to delight”, he insisted. “Which is why we are now giving away a small blue smurf with every full tank of unleaded.”
“We need a blue sky approach, let us circle our wagons. No idiots, that is not management jargon: arrange the Toyota pick-ups in a circle, I can hear a helicopter coming.”
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