New real cat food brand to feature mouse and garden bird varieties

cat foodDescribed as ‘realistic and scientifically researched’ a controversial new brand of cat food which will be available in supermarkets this week claims to be based upon the food that a cat would really eat if it could choose.

Initial flavours will include Munchie Mouse, described on the label as ‘tender pieces of your cat’s favourite rodent marinated in a muddy puddle gravy‘ and Songbird, ‘prime morsels of de-feathered sparrow in catnip jelly [may contain thrush]

Real Cat Foods’ boss is Harold businessman Dave Zhou, who hopes to make a killing with cat foods which appeal to cats, is scornful of rivals’ upmarket varieties. “Careful observation has proved that cats don’t go out and catch Duck Terrine or Fish Fusion. For instance, when did your moggy last drag home a Roulade of Sea Bass with Fennel?”

“This is a back to basics product,” continued Mr Zhou. “We won’t be selling it in poncy gourmet pouches. If I had my way, it would be served loose into paper bags, but we’re not allowed to do that, so it will be available in cans, like it has been for centuries.”

Initial reaction has been mixed, however if the products like Songbird take off then major manufactures can be expected to respond. This has caused an outcry amongst the birding community with fears that Bill Oddie could be extinct within a generation.

Meanwhile, as spokesman for Pedigree Chum has denied reports that they are planning to follow the Real Cats Food trend by introducing Postman’s Arse dog food.

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