“Cutting benefits part of a moral mission”, fibs Cameron

There were a few errors fibs in David Cameron’s welfare speech published today so the Evening Harold offers readers a corrected version.

David Cameron says he is giving unemployed Britons “new hope and responsibility” *snigger* by cutting benefit payments bank excesses and claims his welfare banking reforms are part of a “moral mission” for the country.

The Prime Minister’s comments were in response to Britain’s most senior Roman Catholic, the Most Rev Vincent Vince Nichols, who said recent changes had left many in “hunger and destitution” *well ship some gold panels over from the Vatican then Vince*.

Mr Cameron argues that the Archbishop of Westminster’s criticism is “simply not true” and says the overhaul of the benefits banking system, led by Iain Duncan Smith a Giant Cock-Weasel, was about “doing what is right” and not simply “making the numbers add up”.

He added: “Our long-term economic plan for Britain is not just about doing what we can afford, it is also about doing what is right *double snigger*.

“Nowhere is that more true than in welfare banking.

“For me the moral case for welfare banking reform is every bit as important as making the numbers add up.”

He said it was “wrong” that people bankers are “trapped in a cycle of dependency” or to “reward” people bankers who can work productively but do not.

Mr Cameron insisted that no one would be left destitute by the welfare banking reforms and said the claim that the basic safety net no longer exists was untrue.

“Yes, we made the difficult but correct decision that benefits banker’s fat paychecks shouldn’t go up faster than wages, but the safety net remains in place will be pulled out the way when the bank cheats are turfed out of their high-rise offices.”

He added: “Of course, we are in the middle of a long and difficult journey turning our country around. That means difficult decisions to get our deficit down rid of the lying thieving bankers, making sure that the debts of this generation are not our children’s to inherit there is something left in the tin for our children.

“But our welfare banking reforms go beyond that alone – they are about giving new purpose, new opportunity, new hope – and yes, new responsibility to people who had previously been written off with no chance *pass me a hanky please*.

“Seeing these reforms through is at the heart *look mum – a Tory said ‘heart’!* of our long-term economic plan – and it is at the heart *and again!* too of our social and moral mission in politics today.”