NHS England has announced it will delay selling your details and medical records to third parties until they have convinced the public it will be ok.
A spokesman for the organisation said: “Because people are now realising that the companies holding the information can’t be 100% guaranteed not to lose it and that in some circumstances it may be possible to identify you, we understand we have to spend more time and money convincing them not to worry.
“We plan to do this through more colourful leaflets, an advertising campaign with a celebrity you all trust, and in the most extreme cases prescribing enough tranquillisers to put an elephant to sleep.
“Then everyone will realise it makes perfect sense to provide these companies with the personal information they need to make drugs to sell to us at extortionate rates.”
Many groups, including doctors have said the public seem largely unaware of the scheme and the need to opt out because of a lack of clear information, an accusation the spokesman denied.
“In January we sent out a very clear, informative and detailed leaflet titled ‘The is from your local Jehovah’s Witnesses; you may as well just bin it’ and sent it out with the rest of the UK’s junk mail.
On the inside, at the bottom, in the small print it clearly said ‘if you don’t want your information used like this, then let your doctor know you are a whinging hippy so he can laugh at you and convince you that you are wrong’.”
The data, which will be uploaded onto the care.data database weekly is said to contain the bare minimum information needed such as your name, address, date of birth, BMI, shoe size, recent haemorrhoid treatment, and photos from your last prostate examination.
Asked about the proposed delay Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt explained he has not involved himself in the decision.
“I definitely didn’t talk to those involved and definitely didn’t tell them to wait until the treatment for the embarrassing rash, which I definitely don’t have, was finished”