Cameron orders aides to ‘get rid of all the yellow crap’

Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg and Deputy Leader and Shadow Chancellor Vince Cable visit the Knorr-Bremse Rail Systems factory in Melksham, Wiltshire, Britain - 08 Oct 2009

Endangered species?

Downing Street is in full damage limitation mode this morning following reports that the Prime Minister has ordered aides to ‘get rid of all that yellow crap’ in the run up to the next election. If true this would be a massive u-turn since 2010 when David Cameron said being yellow was at the heart of his policies and pledged to run the yellowest government ever.

“It’s a matter of cost,” said a Tory party insider. “We have to make cuts wherever possible and the longer we associate with the Liberal Democrats the more it’s going to cost us at the ballot box because somehow they’ve managed to become far less popular than us. And a lot of people seem to hate us.”

Nick Clegg made things worse by blundering onto the radio to say that cutting the Liberal Democrats adrift “isn’t all crap.” Confusing everyone who thought he was leader of that party. Asked if this view was further proof that he’s just a Tory yes man Clegg said he wouldn’t know until he’d run it past Number Ten.

“I’m not overly surprised by this move,” said veteran political reporter Peter Raby. “However much David Cameron’s people try to deny it I think we should reflect on whether it rings true. Certainly seems more authentic than that aggressively yellow stance he took shortly after failing to win the general election. Remember that picture of him wearing a huge padded coat and feeding Vince Cable biscuits? How about his suggestion that we should all hug a Danny Alexander? It was obvious that it was never going to last.”

The Tory party insider remains unrepentant. “Ditching the yellow is something that simply has to happen. Will we look back in decades to come and say that a chance was missed to ensure a future for the Liberal Democrats? I doubt it. I can’t imagine anyone giving a rat’s arse when they finally go extinct.”

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