Surprise on the High Street as Eton College starts chugging


Chuggers: their vision is based on movement. Stay very still and they won’t spot you.

There was surprise on Harold’s High Street this morning when chuggers arrived not to raise money for charities that help those most in need but for Eton College the public school which currently charges £30,000 a year in fees plus many thousands in extras.

“I was confused about why they needed more money,” said shopper Geraldine Forster, “but then a terribly happy young man with a clipboard told me that independent schools are charities just like Children in Need and in many ways their pupils are children in need. They need golf courses, beagle packs, school trips to Pago Pago that sort of thing.”

Peace Lily an experienced chugger told us that the Eton College campaign was part of a national fundraising effort to as she put it: “not just raise money but also awareness. David Cameron is the nineteenth Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland to have been educated at Eton unless people get behind this campaign and support the government subsidises and the tax breaks then he could be the last.”

“I don’t get it,” a somewhat dazed Jason Beesley told us after a chugger had tipped an avalanche of enthusiasm over him. “Independent schools get to be charities as long as they occasionally let non-pupils use their swimming pools and that counts as doing something for the public benefit. Well, I donate every month to Amnesty International and volunteer at the hospital helping out with their radio station so can I stop paying taxes too?

Peace Lily said that raising funds for Eton College was “tremendously important. Me and my team are committed to this one hundred and ten per cent. This is the most important cause we’ve ever been involved in until next week when the agency will pay us to say that about another one.”

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