Parents to be bribed to feed, wash and dress their children


The government and a private research company have announced they are to encourage mothers to breast feed by offering them £200 in shopping vouchers.

If the scheme is successful, they will roll out the scheme to cover other areas of parenting including playing, washing and clothing children.

“We understand that some mothers struggle to breast feed, and we will help them any way we can, but this is to bribe those that don’t want to feed their little one that way” a spokesperson told us.

“If this financial incentive works to convince those parents to do the right thing by their children, then we can use similar financial rewards to ensure they go on to feed them fruit, dress them in the morning and swap their mobile phones for some interaction with their kids.”

“But to make sure fathers don’t feel left out, we will give them free football tickets if they prove they change nappies when their child is wet. It will include a hotdog and beer if it’s a poo”

Members of Harold’s parent and child group have given their reaction to the scheme

One expectant mother told us: “I had every intention of breast feeding my unborn child like I have with my other 2, but for £200 I’ll pretend I wasn’t going to.”

“And if there is a few quid in it, I’ll pretend I have no intention of sending them to school when they are older. That’s got to be worth at least £500”

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