There have been long drawn-out sighs of quiet satisfaction across the nation this morning as the realisation dawned that ‘let’s get Christmas out the way first’ can once again be used as a legitimate excuse not to do anything.
“We had the two minutes silence for Armistice Day,” said Harold estate agent Gill Gates. “And then I thought that’s it. We’ve done Hallowe’en, we’ve commemorated Remembrance Sunday and Armistice Day, we’re on the home stretch to Christmas so it’s time to put the kettle on and spend the rest of the morning on Facebook.”
“I love it,” enthused Sam Pierce, head of English at Harold Shining Future Academy and IT Achievement Haven (formerly Harold Comprehensive). “You can just put everything off. Doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship thing or a work thing, for some reason we’ve all decided that frowning and saying ‘I can’t really think about this until after Christmas’ is an acceptable reason for doing nothing as if one day of eating turkey and watching crap TV requires more forward planning than D-Day.”
“These next few weeks are just perfect as far as I’m concerned,” a David C of Westminster told us. “Best bloody prole distraction in the world. Everyone’s crying over an old man on the moon getting a present and not paying any attention to what me and my chums are up to. It really is the most magical time of year.”