Armstong vows to be 100% transparent for any doping inquiry; and will be high as a kite

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In an attempt to continue on the road to redemption, disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong has vowed to testify with ‘100% transparency and honesty’ to any doping inquiry. And to ensure he is on top evidence giving form, he will also be high as a kite.

“I want to make sure that I give these inquiries my best performance for the good of the sport” Armstrong told reporters. “To make sure I give them 100%, I have already started a programme of blood doping. It’s only fair.”

After years of denying any wrong doing, Armstrong finally admitted he may have cheated his way to being the most successful cyclist ever, but always claims he did it for the right reasons.

“Like any top sportsman, I always wanted to be the best, and with a body full of Drugs I could be that role model so many kids in choppers could look up to.

“The same applies to my ‘evidence giving’ career. I can only be the best, most honest and transparent ex-drugs cheat if my performance is enhanced somehow.”

Justifying his decision, Armstrong said: “No one will be able to say my evidence lacks substance”

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