Depressed cat gives up after eight unsuccessful suicide attempts

Tiddles, a tabby cat from Harold, is resigned to staying alive after unsuccessfully trying to commit suicide 8 times.

Tiddles’ owner, Hilda Merton aged 78, and who owns 12 other cats, said she couldn’t understand why Tiddles was so depressed, especially after she had recently bought him a lovely pink collar with a pretty sounding bell.

“He would run out onto the road, but they kept swerving. He tried to electrocute himself by rubbing his collar against the power socket. But mostly he attempted to hang himself from his beautiful pink collar.”

Cat psychologist Dr Mary Evans said it was surprisingly common for cats to feel depressed given the basic pointlessness of a life where 20 hours a day is spent sleeping and the other hours are devoted to eating food or thinking about eating food.

“Add to that the pink collar and the fact that Tiddles can only look forward to eating one thirteenth of Miss Merton when she dies, one can see suicide is a rational option.”

Dr Evans urged Tiddles to try curiosity.