Councillor defends sudden holiday, despite house being on fire


Still in control, at 30,000 feet

Councillor Ron Ronsson has been widely criticised for going on holiday, despite his house being ablaze for several hours before he left.

Ronsson is no stranger to dealing with emergencies, and has the people at on speed-dial. But some in the council have claimed that looking for a reasonable deal in the sun should always play second-fiddle to calling the emergency services.

“I’m still in charge”, claimed Ronsson, on a note found in his drive way. “’All-inclusive’ doesn’t mean we’ve suddenly become a commune.”

But with his mobile confiscated at Stanstead after he claimed it ‘smelled of almonds’, there’s little chance he can react decisively to any further emergencies.

“My thoughts are with the emergency services at this time”, claimed Ronsson by postcard. “And my lawyers, if those lazy bastards don’t rescue my heirlooms.” With the smoke detector going off at 7.00am just hours before he left, Ronsson explained how he reacted in those critical first moments.

“Sometimes, you have to man up or ship out”, roared Ronsson. “It was just me and my credit card between the airport and lots of awkward questions. They say in times of great need, we find superhuman strength. And so it proved, when I managed to rescue my passport.”

Carefully avoiding claims that he may be in part responsible for the blaze, Ronsson did deny he’d been playing with fire. “What me and my chums get up to is none of your business”, his lawyer was asked to point out. “If I couldn’t stand the heat, I wouldn’t be here in Ibiza.”

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