Goths successfully appeal for ‘return’ of Jim Morrison’s remains

Morrison: Been Down So Long

Morrison: Been Down So Long

Goths in Harold have finally met one of their idols this week, after the decayed remains of Jim Morrison paid them a visit.

Doors frontman Jim Morrison, originally buried in the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris in 1971, has until now spent very little time in the UK. But local legend tells how he once visited Harold’s famed twin bun shops, while he should have been performing at the Isle of Wight festival.

“When The Doors took to the stage in 1970, the set was entirely shrouded in darkness”, explained local Goth Josh Fenning. “Historians will tell you that it was because he didn’t want to be blinded by spotlights, but in truth it was because he was 120 miles away, enthusiastically tonguing a vanilla slice.”

With the Lizard King so closely associated with Harold, it was only a matter of time before France agreed to exhume Morrison and return him to his spiritual home. Where once he slept with fellow artists Chopin, Bizet and Edith Piaf, he can now be seen lounging backstage with the members of thrash metal band, Methyl Bromide.

“Logistically, we’ve been through a nightmare to get our Jim back”, revealed Fenning. “His body arrived in a Jiffy bag, with very few instructions.”

Fenning was initially thrown by the presence of three hands and one foot, and admitted that toes and thumbs can be ‘confusing’. But after three tubes of No Nails and relatively few parts left spare, Fenning finally came face-to-face with ‘those’ famous cheekbones.

“I assume those are his cheeks, are they meant to have ball sockets?”, asked Fenning. “Oh god, I’ve glued his hips to his neck bone.”

Fenning admitted that Jim Morrison was more boring than he imagined and rather more shaped like some nightmare, mutant horse. As he told us, ‘you should never meet your heroes’.

If anyone else wants to spend a few hours in the company of a rock legend, they can still find most of Morrison on the roof of the village bus stop.

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