A man who attempted to acquire a glass of red wine in the Squirrel Lickers Arms has been barred for a year, and given a verbal lashing by the landlord.
Mick Clarkson knew the rules when he entered the snug, but felt emboldened after reading an article on ‘creeping gentrification’.
“I’m on some tablets at the moment and the doctor said I mustn’t drink with them”, explained Clarkson. “But wine’s not really drinking, is it? It’s more or less runny jam.”
Depardieu claimed he drinks ‘up to 14 lorry-loads of wine every day’
Russia’s largest transport aircraft has been extensively refitted, so that Gérard Depardieu can be airlifted to the Ukraine frontline. In a daring operation that exceeded the airframe’s carrying capacity by some 26%, Depardieu was delivered intact but hungry and dangerously low on wine.
“As soon as I heard about Ukraine, I phoned my agent to see if such a trip was tax-deductable”, said the actor. “Then I had lunch, some patisseries and a small bucket of brandy. After that it was time for a money wash, a whole roast goose and a litre or so of pernod. That’s when I was struck in the back by a grappling hook, and winched aboard the plane.”
The logistics were difficult and involved several attempts at in-flight re-patéing. “The Russian airforce does not yet have the capability to store more than a tonne and a half of carefully refrigerated foie gras on a plane”, explained Depardieu.
The sweat-drenched hulk is considered a ‘heart throb’ in his ex-native France, a diagnosis that was confirmed by his team of cardiac surgeons.
Filed under News, Transport
Recent news of a global wine shortage has caused a panic among the general population, with supermarkets reporting panic-buying of Blue Nun and cross-channel ferries to France fully booked with people desperately trying to stock up to beat the crisis.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. There are other ways to escape the crushing reality of your daily life without wine, and you don’t even have to resort to hallucinogenic drugs. A number of other alcoholic drinks, which are not in short supply, will complement your meals just as well as your favourite wine, and give you that same warm, fuzzy glow that helps you to forget how awful your job is. Harold’s favourite tramp, John Horse, takes you through some of the alternatives: Continue reading
Filed under Lifestyle, News
Food & Drink with Miles Anour
Miles puts in some serious research
People often ask me “Miles, what have you got against white wine drinkers?”
Once I’ve picked myself up from the floor, not from the shock of the question, but usually because I’ve usually been researching fairly strenuously for several hours, I reply that I’ve nothing against the bastards personally, it’s just that the narrow minded Philistines are missing out on so much good drinking. Continue reading
Food and Drink with Miles Anour
Dambusters plane disposes of empty barrel of 1943 claret
There’s a lot being written about the 70th anniversary of the Dambusters wartime air raid. There is no doubting that the men who carried out this mission were heroically brave, but the prospect of near certain death was compensated for a little by the high standard of in-flight catering in those days. I mean, compared to EasyJet or similar frightful flight providers.
For a start, refreshments and meals would have been included. I’ll bet the crew didn’t have to pay their in-flight butler extra for a measly coffee, peanuts or a Mars bar. And I know for a fact that they started stuffing their faces from the moment the pilot called out ‘chocs away’. I’ve seen the old films.