Moments later, Hodge wrestled a CEO to the floor and ate their face.
Margaret Hodge has been accused of discouraging investment in the UK by the sort of greedy, psycopathic companies that would otherwise be drawn to our unique taxation loop holes.
An anonymous source has claimed that Hodge’s obsession with legality and fairness is completely at odds with the ambitions of many of the globe’s most successful rampaging monsters.
“There’s an unspoken rule about how we deal with ruthless monopolies looking to relocate here”, said a spokesman from the treasury. “If they don’t say out loud how much they’re making, then we don’t have to tax them. Hodge is being very unfair when she points out that this is catastrophically unjust. She risks them moving abroad, and not paying any tax there either.”
Perhaps we got the wrong address.
A ‘missing persons’ alert has been issued after it was revealed that no-one had heard from Vodafone customer services for over a month.
Confused, vulnerable and ostensibly deaf, Vodafone customer services is thought to be ‘at considerable risk’ of making anyone they may meet ‘frustrated, desperate and dangerously angry’.
According to investigating officer PC Flegg, ‘it’s not hard to imagine even Gandhi flipping out and stoving their head in with his sandal. We think they may have an extreme personality disorder, which compels them to ignore other people for as long as the money rolls in.’
The alarm was first raised when neighbours noticed there was a lot of milk bottles left on the step, and most of them had rolled-up notes stuck in the top.
‘I read a few’, revealed Flegg. ‘They mostly said things like ‘twats’, ‘bell-ends’ and ‘grrrr’. It’s almost as if people are trying to communicate without being able to resort to their phones.’