A single crate of sun cream can protect a ginger Glaswegian for up to 45 minutes
The RAF have carried out aid drops of high-factor sun cream to ensure ginger tourists in Sharm el-Sheikh are protected from the sun until they can be brought home.
Urgent action was taken after Nicola Sturgeon highlighted that there were at least 700 Scots, many of who will be pale and ginger, among the Brits stranded in the region. Continue reading
Sturgeon carries Miliband over the line.
Nicola Sturgeon is encouraging Ed Miliband to choose a ‘safeword’, which would let her know when he wants her to stop fucking him.
“We’re having a lot of fun with our power games”, said Sturgeon, “but I sense a bit of reluctance on his part. And that might be because we haven’t set out the boundaries.”
Sturgeon has felt a surge in her ballot box recently, although she worries that it may be at the expense of her partner’s enjoyment. For his part, Miliband still insists that he is capable of coming first.
Appropriate use of an NHS blanket?
The police have launched an investigation following accusations that Ed Miliband was stabbing the British people in the back with the Trident replacement.
In a statement a spokesperson for Westminster police confirmed the Labour leader was to be questioned later today.
“At this stage we’re not sure how anyone could be stabbed with a nuclear missile, but whenever we receive allegations of wrongdoing, even from the Daily Mail, we are duty bound to investigate to ensure a criminal offence has not been committed.” Continue reading