In response to the uproar surrounding unmarked Halal meat, supermarkets have pledged to offer consumers much more choice in the way animals are killed.
Sifting through the meat aisle of her local Tesco, Harold resident Pippa Delaney welcomed the move.
“It’s so much better, now we’re properly and sometimes graphically informed”, she insisted. “Let’s see: cricket bat with a nail in it…bolt gun in the face…liver failure…ooh! This one sounds delicious AND guilt-free: ‘hit by a meteorite’. I bet that makes it tender as well.”