A rare photo of Horace Ruffage (see Fact #2)
As the Queen finally passes Bobby Charlton’s long standing record, the Evening Harold is able to reveal five astounding facts about Her Majesty, all which are totally true.
Fact One: As befits a lady who is in her 90th year, Her Majesty has a terrible memory and is easily confused. Since watching The King’s Speech she has become convinced that her father was the spitting image of Colin Firth and that contemporary photos of the late King showing him looking like a cod were doctored to reflect the mood of the time. Her Royal Highness is unable to understand how her mother was able to star in the Harry Potter films. Continue reading
Officials have roped off the Queen for the final stage of her attempt.
Crowds of fans are cheering the Queen around the clock, waiting for her to lunge over the line and set the record for Britain’s longest reign.
With just days to go, the public has joined officials from the Guinness Book of Records. Sat on a chair with a look of grim determination on her stamp-like face, the monarch’s reign is timed at regular intervals while the crowds roar her on to the finish.
“COME ON QUEEN! YOU CAN DO IT!”, yelled a group from Harold’s WI. “DON’T FORGET YOUR TABLETS! KEEP THAT HEART PUMPING! GOWAAAAN YOUR MAJESTY, NEARLY THERE!”
The boy’s mother, at press conference explaining mistake
More than one vinyl record has been sold in the UK so far this year – the first time the milestone has been achieved since 1996.
The figure marks a largely unexpected resurgence in an industry now considered to be dominated by digital.
Earlier this month, Pink Floyd’s The Endless River became the fastest-selling, and indeed only, vinyl release since 1997, with combined total sales of one unit.
The unexpected rise in sales to two – a 100% increase – was at first thought to be due to the amusing retro stylings of hipsters, but turned out to be merely a confused parent buying an Oasis album.
The Official Chart Company told the Evening Harold that if sales continue to increase at the current rate it will soon consider launching a “Top Three” chart.
It had been thought that the letter sold for a record £119,000 at the weekend had been the last letter written from the Titanic, but now another letter has surfaced which was not only being written at the moment of impact with the iceberg but also includes the first written instance of the acronym ‘WTF’.
“This is a really exciting find,” said auctioneer Jack Hamburg of auctioneers Hamburg & Grunter. “The letter actually refers to the iceberg itself, before moving into the all-important WTF, which makes it stand above the other tat that is usually associated with the old legend.”
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