Tag Archives: Queen Elizabeth II

The Queen: More astounding facts!

"One is the Champion"

“One is the Champion”

By popular demand from Her Majesty’s subjects, we are commanded to provide a further gloved handful of facts about the Queen who is long reigning over us. These facts are just as true as the last set.

Fact! As an in-joke, the rock band Queen asked the actual Queen to sing backing vocals on one of their songs. After being smuggled into the band’s private recording studio at night, Her Majesty can be heard singing the “Are you gonna take me home tonight?” lines on “Fat Bottomed Girls“.

Fact! Prince Charles is so old that most people assume the Queen is his child, but it’s actually the other way round.

Fact! Her Majesty attributes her soft hands to her insistence that her maids always use Fairy Liquid when washing the Royal dishes. Continue reading

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Scandal! Brits sink to new low as 88-year-old woman performs launch on aircraft carrier in front of cheering crowd

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Unacceptable face of Brits abroad

Alcohol-fuelled British antics have reached a new low after an elderly monarch shocked the nation by publicly performing the whisky-assisted naming of an aircraft carrier, merely to earn a tax-free Sovereign Grant of £36.1 million.

The woman, who has not yet been named, is believed to be an 88-year-old Queen from Britain.

Video of the sordid two-minute “launching” in the Scottish resort of Rosyth has sparked outrage on the internet and among politicians.

Wearing pale blue, the monarch moved from one local dignitary to the next to the cheers of revellers, before tossing a litre of Scotch expertly onto the prow of a boat.

One of the men involved said everyone in the celebration was “delighted”. The reveller, named only as Philip, 93, said: “It was a ceremony that got completely out of hand. The woman was being encouraged to shake hands more and more, and was told it would be a great honour if she would take part. I feel sorry for her, she must feel awful this morning.”

“May God bless her and all who sail in her,” he added.

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Is the Prime Minister a lizard? Many find proof of his true nature in flood visit footage

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David Cameron off-duty: chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool.

Seekers of the truth are today convinced that they are on to something with David Cameron’s behaviour as he visits areas hit by flooding being taken by many as proof that he is in fact a giant lizard.

“He just looks too comfortable in that environment,” said Harold resident Adam Cassidy. “I’ve been watching all the footage of him striding about in his Wellington boots and black fleece then discussing it with my friends on wakeupsheeple.com. Look how Cameron doesn’t listen to anyone and can’t convey convincing emotion when people are showing him their devastated homes. I bet he was itching to cast off his disguise and swim freely with the flood water playing over his scales.” Continue reading

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