Grayling only lies when his fingers are crossed
G4S, ‘the serial offenders co’, has offered to repay the Ministry of Justice £24.1m, after admitting the way it charged for tagging offenders was ‘not appropriate’.
Fortunately for G4S, its internal review found this wasn’t the result of dishonesty. Rather, it had wrongly thought it could claim for tagging people who were dead or in prison. Or both.
“We had a result over Olympic staffing with only 3% of the contract performance related” said a corporate oaf. “Ripping off government is a victimless crime, it’s not like dead prisoners are moaning.”
Tory food: the £95 (that’s not a typo) burger
There was relief in Harold yesterday when Tory MP Nadine Dorries told Daybreak that she will not starve. Though not the MP for Harold kind-hearted residents had been touched by her plight when she announced that she would no longer be drawing expenses in order to campaign for reform of the system.
“We were massively concerned for the welfare of this highly principled lady,” said Reza Yavari. “It made me very upset to think of her struggling to cope on just a £66,396 MPs salary and whatever she makes as the director of Averbrook media consultancy. Then happily for us all she said live on TV ‘I have a very good partner who will not let me starve, he will feed me‘ and there was just this great outbreak of relief.” Continue reading
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