Cheek bones to die for.
Marilyn Monroe’s skeleton could be signed by a top modelling agency, if her estate agrees to a couple of ribs being removed.
Once notorious for her hideously three-dimensional body, Marilyn’s latest ‘diet’ has brought her tantalisingly close to being slim enough for modern fashion tastes.
“We wouldn’t have signed her when she was alive, she was just too ‘flesh and bone'”, said fashion mogul Karl Masstasi. “But now she’s all bone, she can easily fit into our dresses. Once we’ve shaved down her pelvis.”
Filed under Fashion, Society
Visitors can earn Clubcard points just by staring at the monstrosity.
Lawyers for Tesco are celebrating a famous victory, after successfully imposing a massive superstore on a model village.
‘Lillyharold’, a miniature village filled with tudor cottages, duck ponds and a perfectly-to-scale plague pit, has delighted visitors for over 50 years.
But now tourists are finding themselves drawn to a monstrous glass-and-steel carbuncle, stifling interest in the nearby greengrocers, butchers and turn-of-the-century phone shop.
Capability Evans has tended Lillyharold for the past 25 years, and is devastated by the effect the small enormous Tesco has had.
Human rights would be abused if he was sent to Jordan’s
Theresa May has had to perform another government u-turn over the planned deportation of Abu Qatada. Following the announcement that there were fresh assurances over his treatment by Jordan, she has since had to admit that Katie Price was not in the best position to judge such things.
“I tried to get some reassurances from the country but turned up to the meeting a day late so I asked Ms Price. She said that his safety would be guaranteed with her, as long as he was willing to make a television show about it.”
Filed under News, Politics