Now we’re going to play with this Emperor’s new ball here
“There’s no sleight of hand involved,” insisted the walking definition of ‘it’s who you know’ this morning. “But there is Derren’s trademark blend of magic, misdirection, psychology and showmanship.”
“Using it I’ve already convinced myself that I’m doing a brilliant job and that as a failed marmalade exporter I definitely know more about medicine than so-called experts. Sorry? No, nothing at all about marmalade, Continue reading
Filed under News, Politics
Despite setback, Bennett vowed to continue her work as a wind-up merchant.
Green Party leader Natalie Bennett has apologised for a low-energy interview, and laid the blame on a carbon-neutral microphone.
“When I agreed to be interviewed on the radio, I insisted that they use our own, planet-friendly equipment”, explained Bennett. “It isn’t quite 230 volts but I told them it doesn’t matter because my voice is quite shrill.”
A sound engineer from LBC told us he was rather taken aback by the clockwork equipment.
“When she handed me the microphone, I said ‘is this a wind up?’ She said it was, and demonstrated how to turn the handle.”
More wasteful than a panda charity.
Ailing opposition leader Ed Miliband has lost his charitable status, according to union leaders.
The GMB’s General Secretary, Paul Kenny, explained that ‘like an elderly aunt who’s riddled with cancer, the time has come to stop throwing money at a lost cause’, before adding ‘we must accept that he isn’t going to get any better’.
Since he was first discovered in 2010, Ed Miliband has absorbed millions of pounds of funding. But experts admit that they’ve found out virtually nothing about him, what he thinks or why his face doesn’t work properly.
Supporters of Miliband insist he’s not going to give in without a fight, and have released a ‘before’ and ‘after’ picture to prove he’s on the mend. But some claim the move was a catastrophic ‘own goal’, because the ‘after’ image turned out to be his brother, David.