‘Irony’ is when mum presses my t-shirt
Scores of balaclava-clad English Defence League (“EDL”) supporters converged in Harold town centre overnight to protest against Muslims wearing veils.
“Them Muslims should be banned from wearing veils – they shouldn’t be allowed to hide their faces” said Gavin, an EDL supporter who wouldn’t give his last name.
“Muslims go home – England for the Polish” shouted Jerzey “Smith”, a carpenter from Essex.
Other EDL members just tried to stare threateningly but soon gave up when local children mistook them for clowns.
If you are so confused by this you literally stop breathing then you could be the man for us.
Due to unforeseen circumstances we at the EDL are urgently seeking a new leader.
Please get someone to read the following criteria to you carefully before deciding if you would be a good fit for the EDL. Godfrey Bloom need not apply.
Filed under News, Politics
An excited Gavin waits for the postman
In an embarrassing climb down, the English Defence League announced that their “England for the English” policy will be modified to include members’ mail-order brides from Asia and Eastern Europe.
“We will still seek to vigorously protect our airports and seaports from an influx of Asians and Eastern Europeans, but we will turn a blind eye to the post” said EDL spokesmen Bernard Grout.
“I’m aware some people might think we have done a 360% turn and are therefore hypnotists” said Grout. “But our members have always been sex-starved loners first, and racists second.”
Makes “you’re teeth”, itch. Do’nt it?
Harold man, Col. Thomas Hallet, today spoke of his disappointment on joining the English Defence League and discovering that the promotion and preservation of the correct use of the English language was the last thing on their minds.
“I happened to be in Dunstable last week and I popped into a pub I’d never been in before which turned out to be rather insalubrious but I thought I’d have a quick pint while I waited for my good lady wife to finish buying whatever women’s things she feels it necessary to procure from the town.” Continue reading