Harold’s annual Christmas Fayre will be held at the weekend and promises to be another exciting occasion.
The sensation of last year’s event was Mavis Bottomley’s Nettle & Blackcurrant Jelly which she later revealed had been strained through a vintage pair underpants belonging to her husband, Ted, to “obtain that unique earthy flavour”.
This year the couple have had a crack at producing their own human civet coffee. “Initially we tried enlisting the assistance of the cat, but eventually Ted threw his hat into the ring and we started production,” said Mavis.
This story really relies on you knowing where “civet coffee” comes from…
Lovers of fine coffee in the village of Harold are flocking to sample the aromatic blends of local entrepreneur and alcoholic Reg Boggis, who is delighting the locals
with his personally ‘homemade’ civet coffee beans.
For those not in the know, civet coffee beans are unusual in that they have passed through the digestive system of the civet, a nocturnal cat-like mammal
native to tropical Asia and Africa. The animals digest coffee berries but not the beans inside, which are passed into the “fecal matter”. In words of one syllable, the beans are shat out by the animals and then harvested. The enzymes in their stomach acid help produce a bean that is sought-after for its smooth, caramel-like taste, and can fetch over $1000 per kilo from the richer sort of Guardian reader.
Seeing the opportunity for marketing a boutique coffee in the village’s trendy cafe scene, Boggis was at first discouraged by the absence of civets from Harold’s native fauna, and all attempts to persuade his tabby cat Ernie to eat coffee beans ended in savage failure.