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Rifkind admits: “I may have accidentally told the truth yesterday.”


Got any change Mister?

Part-time politician, charmless Thatcher leftover Sir Malcolm Rifkind, apologised today for having told the truth yesterday, when insisting he was ‘entitled’ to more than an MP’s salary of £67,000.

“Quite by mistake, I said what I really believed. I now realise that made me look like a twat. A privileged Tory with my head so far up my bottom that I only see the light of day when I reappear from my own throat. I do hope that clears things up.”

When questioned about his comments on Channel 4’s Dispatches programme, Sir Malcolm Rifkind explained his remarks had been taken out of context. “Yes, I did say I’d a surprising amount of free time, was self-employed and that no-one payed me a salary. But the context was that  I’d forgotten I was an MP; a simple error of judgement. Haven’t you ever forgotten that you work for the Telegraph?”

A former political adviser to Sir Malcolm gave her reaction to his decision to stand down as an MP to BBC News: “I have to say there’s huge respect that he’s done the honourable thing … no, I’m sorry … can we take that again?

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New MP ‘second job’ scandal: Miliband moonlights as lollipop man

lollipop dolt

Miliband also works evenings as a coat rack.

Ed Miliband has admitted to subsidising his income, while crossing the road outside his house for a modest salary.

Despite living miles from a school, Mr Miliband proudly dons his hi-viz uniform each morning, grabs his lollipop and goes out to play in the traffic.

“It’s not reasonable to expect me to survive on the minimum wage”, claimed Miliband as he lunged at a truck. “Which is why normal, everyday people, people such as myself, have to take on a second job as leader of the opposition.”
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