Dilnot, ruining everything for the nation. It’s number 11, you idiot!
The TV news build-up to the Chancellor’s Autumn Statement was ruined for many today, when a BBC reporter stood outside Number 10 Downing St. in error.
Alec Fairchild, a man who usually gets his political insight from the Mail and Sky News, tuned into BBC today, by mistake, and was completely thrown by finding himself staring at Theresa May’s front door.
“Typical bloody lefty BBC, all that public money and they still can’t get it right,” fumed Fairchild, a pub bore from Harold. “this is exactly why I don’t pay the licence fee.” Continue reading
A prominent politician has left a woman that serves gruel at her wit’s end, after repeatedly ordering the special and then insisting on steak.
‘Goodbye Gruel World’, a thin porridge emporium in Shoreditch, has been trying to turn Osborne’s table since Tuesday.
“When Mr Osborne came in, he was wearing an ashen sack, and asked if we could water our gruel down”, said Sandy Hampstead.
“But when I tried to serve it to him, he enquired as to ‘what the eff it was’, and pretended he’d ordered chateau briand.”
Man cannot live by rental income alone.
The charities behind food banks are planning to branch out, to help landlords targeted by the chancellor.
Some landlords are down to their last nine or ten houses, and the latest tax increase could hamper their Christmas cruises or trips into space.
“While we do hand out beans and things to people who, on the face of it, are quite poor”, explained Pippa Delaney, “it’s come to our attention that the people who own their homes are also struggling.”
If the Chancellor’s Autumn Statement fools the voters, the next government will feature ‘a bunch of cuts’, warned the Institute for Fiscal Studies yesterday.
But what might such a large number of cuts look like in practice? The Evening Harold investigates.
Because he’s happy! Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth…
George Osborne delivered his Autumn Statement to the House of Commons earlier today kicking off a frenzy of press coverage and speculation. Finance can be very confusing so we at the Evening Harold have studied the matter in depth and can now cut through the dense thicket of economic burble and shenanigans to present this concise guide to what it all means. Continue reading