Currently held captive by the Nato summit Barack Obama has spoken of his despair on being trapped in South Wales.
“I was told that people here shared our language and ideals,” he said. “But why is everything ‘tidy’ and what’s the meaning of that giant red wave on the waterfront?”
Confused and scared by an alien culture President Obama has found no respite at the summit itself.
“Everyone’s taking selfies and no one knows what to do about Isis,” he explained. “And tomorrow night we’re being served a dinner of typical Welsh food. I’d tell the Seals to bust me out of here if I could get a wi-fi signal.”
When asked what was the most trying aspect of his ordeal Obama didn’t hesitate:
“This weird moon-faced guy keeps following me around and asking me to call him Dave. Who the hell is he and why does he keep begging me to tell him what to do?”