The Tory party’s integrity has been discovered in a landfill in New Mexico. Long believed to be an urban legend excavators were surprised to find it buried under thousands of tonnes of rubbish.
In 1982 struggling to find favour with the electorate against the grim backdrop of war, mass unemployment and Renee & Renato, the Tories simply abandoned any pretence of integrity and had it buried. Buying space in the massive hole the console games company Atari had dug in order to bury millions of copies of failed game E.T. The Extra Terrestrial. Atari recovered from its disaster and went on to produce many classic games. The Tories recovered from ever possessing morals and went on to expertly guide the economy and create a better, brighter Britain/screw the country rigid.
Now more than three decades after it was buried the Tories’ integrity has been dug up and exposed to the light.
“I don’t think we’re interested to be honest,” said Downing Street spokesperson Rebecca Garvey. “A lot of time’s gone by and we’ve done quite well without any. We’re going to donate our integrity to an Oxford college and put something new in the hole.”
After confessing that Iain Duncan Smith had made a “really dark proposal” for what the Tories should now bury Ms Garvey told us what they’d decided to do.
“We’re letting the Lib Dems bury whatever they want,” she said. “Nick Clegg says they’ve got loads of things they need people to forget about before the next election. Shame he hasn’t realised yet that one of those things is him.”