Britain in post-Cowell era, says former archbishop as X-Factor musical closes

No good ever comes from titles that end in exclamation marks. Apart from Westward Ho! We love it there.

The former archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, has told the Evening Harold that Britain is in a “post-Cowell era”. He cited the closure of the X-Factor musical I Can’t Sing after just six weeks in the West End as proof that people no longer believe in Simon Cowell in the great numbers they once did.

“Its a matter of defining terms,” Lord Williams said. “Is Britain a Cowellist country as a nation of believers? No.”

“Is it a Cowellist country in the sense of still being very much saturated by Simon’s vision of the world and shaped by it? Yes.”

The last couple of years have seen a marked decline in viewers for Simon Cowell’s programs and two, Red or Black and Food, Glorious Food, failed to find an audience. Something which would have once been unthinkable.

“While no longer being the nation’s defining characteristic the legacy of Cowellism will endure for a very long time,” said Lord Williams. “Whenever a thick teenager doesn’t bother to sit their GCSEs because they just know that they will be famous, it will be thanks to Simon Cowell. Whenever those who are vulnerable look to their communities for care but instead are made to stand in a spotlight and be mocked, it will be thanks to Simon Cowell. And whenever One Direction are at number one, it will be thanks to Simon Cowell.”

“It’s quite depressing really,” he concluded. “However if anyone’s looking for some joy in their lives they could always go to church.”