Things ain’t what they used to be: Church says new atheists are crap

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“‘Jesus is the tooth fairy for adults’ – is that the best you’ve got?”

A local bishop has attacked new atheists for their laziness. “I’m entirely bored of people saying to me that all Roman Catholic priests are kiddie-fiddlers and forwarding me copies of Willy Wonka condescension memes involving the phrase ‘beardy sky man’,” said the Most Reverend Stanislaus McNamee, Bishop of Dunstable. “Is that it? Am I honestly expected to renounce my faith over a two minute YouTube clip of George Carlin?”

His comments were endorsed by the Church of England in the form of Harold’s vicar Rev. Tansy Forster. “I used to love a really good debate about what it all means,” she told us. “But now all I get is sneers about sky fairies and my magic book of fairy tales. It’s not exactly C.S Lewis vs. Elizabeth Anscombe is it?”

“It’s the atheist women I feel sorry for,” said Qaasim Mohammed, Iman at Dunstable Central Mosque. “Atheism appears to be very oppressive towards them. I see Hicks, Hitchens, Dawkins, Chomsky, Dennett et al being followed and celebrated but no women. They don’t seem to be allowed a voice and I find that very sad.”

“The lack of, for want of a better phrase, an opposition, is troubling,” Bishop McNamee said. “Increasingly I am coming across atheists who don’t have the first clue what they’re talking about and endlessly repeat the same things over and over again without seeming to understand them. It’s like they’ve been brain washed.”

“Religion’s been around for a very long time,” said Rev Forster. “I don’t think putting a slightly mocking Family Guy quote about it as your next Facebook update is going to hasten its end. Poor new atheists, that’s probably quite a depressing thought. Still, we all have our cross to bear. Or in their case not.”

10 Comments

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10 responses to “Things ain’t what they used to be: Church says new atheists are crap

  1. “Is that it? Am I honestly expected to renounce my faith over a two minute YouTube clip of George Carlin?”

    Nope. You’re just expected to realize we won’t take you seriously by default any more.

  2. You see jokes about religion because religion is a cruel joke played on the gullible for money and power. At the head of every religion there is a grinning gangster in a black dress with a book of mythology and ridiculous stories. Prove there is a god or keep your daft notions to yourselves.

    • Prove the universe came from nothingness or keep your hypothetical science fiction to yourself. Oh and I’m not referring to The Big Bang (proposed by a Catholic priest I might add), if anything, that lends credible support to theism by showing the universe had a start.

  3. Lol, even as a an atheist this made me laugh, what with Facebook, Reddit, twitter, tumblr and other social media it is only going to get worse. Still having a Iman complaining about women’s voices not being heard isn’t doing you any favours. :-)

  4. Oops a parody site, POE’s law I guess. :-)

  5. New atheism, better named militant atheism, is a branch of revolutionary mentality, a thing found mainly in socialism and more or less in liberalism, whose final step is killing religious people in the name of freedom and ethics or eliminating socially and / or, sometimes, personally the historical and devotional importance of christianity. New atheists have no moral or intelectual ground, or, better saying, having none of this ground is their ground iself, and, in other cases, for example forget the religious roots of western civilization and objective moral values, inventing new explanations to replace it all. Their capability consists the most on living and “winning” debates by saying cliches towards religion and thinking it is the highest intellectual and moral way to be, because understand nothing of religion, mainly christianity, understand things all wrong and inverted, and based on that underestimate religion. The thought is: if I am superior, is there anything more deserved by religion than to be laughed? If I am superior but religion shows to be a true menace, laugh is not enough, some kind of force is necessary. That is the why the only thing they do is memes in the Internet or too low level conversations, pretending it to refute something religioius or to mock others’ religion, in a kind of act which wants mostly to attract attention than any other thing.