Children and parents have warned of ‘widespread ignorance’ of Potter lore amongst the members of the Bible Society.
A small number of the organization have never heard of Dumbledore, let alone Hagrid, Hermione or Viktor Krum.
The study revealed a generation of middle-aged adults with little knowledge of the most important Harry Potter stories. A high proportion of these people were observed to wear cardigans.
“Harry Potter has a huge influence on modern society”, claimed muggle Melanie Hostage. “It’s as relevant today as it was 16 years ago. It provides us with some guidelines on how we should treat other people, if we’re too stupid to work it out for ourselves without the help of a barely believable story.”
Mrs Hostage revealed that some bible users didn’t realise that important stories originated in Harry Potter. “For instance, I spoke to a group of bigoted jam makers in a sort of pointed building in Dorset”, said Hostage. “They were dimly aware that Richard Harris had died before being resurrected as Michael Gambon, only to die again a little bit later. But did they know that this story arose in a children’s book? Well, four of them certainly pretended they didn’t.”
Although a lot of Harry Potter rehashes old stories or is badly written in places, Hostage still thinks that it can teach people valuable lessons.
“Too few Christians have the opportunity to hear and reflect on what this life-changing book contains, or are put off the movies by Daniel Radcliffe’s poor acting in the first one.”
“But eventually he gets better and the franchise has so much to teach us. It shows us that evil people wear black, that spiders are treacherous, and that not all ginger people are worthless”, she said.
“And what’s more, it teaches us that some people don’t take books nearly seriously enough. If you don’t live your life as an unswerving true Potter, you won’t be accepted unto The Afterlife. That’s the name we’ve given to next month’s cosplay convention.”