If the Taliban steal the British Army’s kittens as well then polls indicate that 98% of us would advocate the use of nuclear weapons.
Britain has become overwhelmingly pro-war overnight following the news that the Taliban has kidnapped one of the British Army’s bomb disposal dogs after it was loaned to US Special Forces.
“I didn’t really care about the war,” said Harold resident Melanie Delaney. “I’m mean it’s been going on for so long, like I was in junior school when it started, but now the Taliban have kidnapped a dog we should totally kill them all.”
The dog believed to be called Colonel disappeared in December and yesterday appeared in a video being paraded by its Taliban captors. Due to the fact that he is infinitely more loveable than a squaddie Colonel has inflamed a warlike spirit in the Brits not seen since Radio Four scrapped the UK Theme.
“I have been deeply opposed to this war from the very beginning,” villager Alex Gates told us. “And I’ve always avoided stereotyping the Taliban but now they’ve stolen a dog all bets are off. They’re monsters! I know they’ve stolen and murdered people but that’s not the same is it? Dogs are cute.”
As vigils are being held for Colonel up and down the country many are petitioning their local MPs wanting to know why he was sent into battle with substandard equipment and no emergency bonios. Meanwhile the small minority asking why it takes a dog to get people to have an opinion and take action on a conflict that has been raging since 2001 have been told to be quiet and stop ruining everyone’s bloodlust and squee.
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