The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have finally named the ‘royal baby’ George Alexander Louis after arguing over a suitable name. The arguments revolved around the length of the third-in-line to the throne’s first name.
In his continuing efforts to modernise the monarchy the Duke wanted to be seen driving his new family home himself, has changed two nappies to give their nanny a rest and is now going to get his child’s name tattooed onto his forearm.
“The idea of getting a tattoo has been set for a while but William is a bit of a wimp”, royal watcher Nicholas Witchell told us. “Catherine always wanted a Bartholomew, Montgomery or Slartibartfast, but he had his heart set on something short and relatively painless to ink such as Bob, Jon or 3.”
“We understand she wanted a time-consuming, lengthy name so he could feel 11 hours of agony and get some idea why she turned the room blue when he offered one of his father’s biscuits to ‘make her feel better’. In the end she settled on the compromise ‘George’ and a free kick to his Royal family jewels.”
The names George, Alexander and Louis are thought to have been chosen to represent years of royal traditions. Traditionally the royals are huge television fans.
“William was a big fan of the gay-friendly hippo in Rainbow, while the Queen is proud she has never missed an episode of ‘Pointless’”, Mr Witchell continued. “And Catherine is glued to the box when Louis Theroux is giving us all an insight into weird families with strange behaviours and weird traditions.”
Journalists are now gathering in their hundreds outside the exclusive ‘Knuckle of LOVE’ parlour in Harold awaiting the first glimpse of the royal tattoo. “He was initially going to have George written in Chinese”, the tattoo artist charged with inking the prince said, “but we advised against it, given Prince Philip’s recent health problems.”