Harold leads on Archbishop’s Credit Union push


No such thing as a non-deductable lunch

Villagers are celebrating the first green shoots of a local economic recovery, with Harold’s Save & Prosper (HS&P) being discharged from ‘financial convalescence’ on 1st August, well ahead of poorly managed national money-pits like Lloyds & RBS.

“George Osborne would do well to take a leaf out of Harold’s book”, said Rev Tansy Forster, “we’re even one step ahead of Archbishop Welby on community financing initiatives.”

In line with the Archbishop’s new stance on money lenders suddenly being ‘a good thing’, the Credit Union will make affordable money available to anyone who wants it. “Although in line with a more general church policy, that will exclude women, homosexuals and people who have had credit before”, said Forster.

Haroldites will know that, in 2008, the Council took control of the struggling credit union with a massive cash injection, rumoured to be as much as £4.5K and a number of Luncheon Vouchers. HS&P had found difficulty in balancing both its petty cash & Manager Dennis Bush’s expense accounts, which had somehow become hopelessly entangled.

To spontaneous applause, Harold’s Mayor Rufus D. Jackson broke the good news at last week’s Council meeting. “Ratepayers will be delighted that HS&P has finally tipped into the black and is about to earn some ‘really big bucks’ as we financiers say.”

As Jackson insisted, “the time is right to release HS&P from the restrictive shackles of local government and let it soar, without any of its historic debt. The Council has written off repayment of the original rescue package and accepted a token payment of £20 towards our legal expenses and a promise that exactly the same thing won’t immediately happen again.”

Jackson outlined how things could now move forward, “Jean Bush, Head of Financial Probity, was very impressed with the bid from D. Bush (2013) plc. Its CEO Dennis Bush has an extensive CV with significant experience in local finance initiatives. Happily he recently registered his address in Harold, so he’s already one of us”, soothed Jackson.

“We’re confident Dennis will take HS&P on to bigger and better things. To reassure any doubters I’ve agreed to keep a personal eye on things as a non-executive Director. There is no question of a salary for me of course, though any necessary expenses would be reimbursed and there might be a modest honorarium”.

Comments Off on Harold leads on Archbishop’s Credit Union push

Filed under Business, Crime, Economy, Uncategorized

Comments are closed.