Tag Archives: William Hague

Hague sad as giving Angelina Jolie a damehood gets him no closer to her pants

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Together at last. Wonder if Jennifer Aniston is jealous?

Though his government have given her an honourary damehood William Hague is no closer to sleeping with Angelina Jolie.

“I don’t want to,” said the Foreign Secretary. “I totally respect her as woman and a human rights advocate and all that. Is she pretty? Can’t say I’ve noticed.”

“Ms Jolie is being rewarded for her campaigning for women’s rights,” Hague said. “I find it offensive that anyone would think that’s not true and that the real reasons are because she’s gorgeous, and a terribly unpopular government is seeking to sprinkle itself with stardust. That’s nonsense. We’re politicians, not bronies.”

Hague was last seen on his fourteenth pint of lager telling strangers he couldn’t see what all the fuss over Brad Pitt was about because women prefer shiny foreheads and warmongering to good looks.

 

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North Korean silence leads to worries that UK gave them a rubbish birthday present

Not your usual picture of North Korea. This is Begaebong, Samjiyon area. The run is 825 metres down an active volcano (seriously).

Not your usual picture of North Korea. This is Begaebong, Samjiyon County. The run is on  Mount Paektu, an active volcano and Bond villain’s lair.

Twenty-four hours after North Korea celebrated its 65th birthday with a mind-buggeringly lengthy parade of synchronised military nonsense the Foreign Office is fretting that it may have given the only country in the world run by a totalitarian family dictatorship a rubbish present.

“We’ve heard nothing,” said a nervous William Hague. “By now I would’ve at least expected a text saying thnx. And on Facebook I can see that they’ve read our message wishing them a happy birthday but they’ve not responded.” Continue reading

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