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UK braced for 72hrs of reporters excitedly saying ‘weather bomb’


#cloudporn: the intense kind that most definitely needs a safety word

A severe bullshit warning has been issued for the UK as the media chucks a whalloping mungo over the weather bomb. Members of the public are advised to not put their brains at risk by exposing themselves to too much sensationalist hype featuring over-excited media jackals dropping the phrase ‘weather bomb’ repeatedly and with a palpable erotic charge.

As severe storms lash down on us with more fury than that which Iain Duncan Smith has towards those in need, the news will constantly show images of arseholes seemingly desperate to de-select themselves from the gene pool by standing on the most exposed coastal walls possible, and the railway track in Dawlish deciding that the land just wasn’t cutting it and opting to become part of the ocean kingdom once more.

Readers should also be aware that the coming days offer a massively increased chance of seeing David Cameron in wellingtons and a fleece doing ‘concern face’ at flood victims. Plus people who don’t have a sense of humour proving it by quipping “The weather bomb’s hit – insert name of local despised town – and done £10 million of improvements!”

The weather bomb is predicted to be at its most powerful in Scotland though only time will tell if it can succeed where Alex Salmond failed and cut it off from England.

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