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by Max C-F | October 5, 2015 · 6:50 am

Idiots arguing over plastic bag tax to be charged 5p

Even a sea cucumber could understand. Now be quiet, you’re holding up the queue

Selfish morons who waste everyone’s time at supermarket checkouts arguing the toss over the plastic bag tax will be charged an extra five pence from today.

“Anyone claiming that they don’t understand must pay,” said Woodrow Gunther, owner of Harold supermarket Guntco’s. “By using a shop a customer is clearly demonstrating that they are familiar with the concept of paying for things so getting the arse over plastic bags will result in them having to pay the stupidity tax as well.” Continue reading →

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by yikes28 | September 16, 2013 · 7:00 am

Plastic bag charge: dolphins rejoice that their lives are worth 5p

Wee hee, I got 5p!

The dolphin community are said to be excitedly doing backflips at the news that all supermarkets are to charge shoppers 5p per plastic bag in an attempt to save the environment.

Southend tour boat operator Gavin Erikson said a local dolphin that follows his boat around, Ono, was distraught that her eldest son became entangled in 20 plastic bags and drowned, but Ono’s anguish turned to delight upon finding that the 20 bags were worth £1.

Erikson said the word must have got round other dolphins as there was a spate of groundings as dolphins tried to wriggle up Southend beach in an attempt to reach the plastic bags at the waterfront Tescos.
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