Tag Archives: niqab

Pope discovers niqab is perfect disguise when secretly feeding the homeless

pope-francis-wears-a-sheep

Pope Francis: his first attempt at disguising himself by wearing a sheep was bobbins

Since he moved into the Vatican a year ago today there have been unconfirmed reports that Pope Francis is sneaking out at night to give food and comfort to the homeless. Cynics have wondered how a man so instantly recognisable has been able to do this undetected however the mystery has been solved by the revelation that the pope is wearing a niqab.

“It’s the perfect disguise,” said Vatican spokesman Cardinal Carlo Crivelli. “No one ever really looks at the homeless and a lot of people avert their eyes when they see a woman wearing the niqab so this is a win-win for Papa Francesco.”

Reaching out to the homeless is one of the many things about Pope Francis which unsettles his critics along with his rejection of intense papal bling, and seeming to be quite nice.

Harold resident Cassie Fine spoke for many when she said “It’s confusing having a genuinely good man as pope. It’s not that I want Pope Francis not to be but if he suddenly turned out to be a massive bastard then that would conform to my world view. I’d be relieved in the same way I was when it became obvious that Obama wasn’t going to save the world but bomb more of it. It was crap but expected just like The One Show.”

Now Pope Francis’ cover has been blown the world is waiting to see if any other religious leaders will be revealed to be carrying out good deeds in disguise prompting Paddy Power to offer odds of 5-1 that the Dalai Lama is Batman.

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Entire village adopts niqab and declares it to be lovely

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Teenage lads lurking on the recreation ground: much less scary than when in hoodies and baseball caps.

Under ancient village law a proposal to ban wearing the niqab within the boundaries of Harold resulted in everyone wearing one.

“A couple recently moved to the village and in a first for this community she wears the niqab,” explained Councillor Nina O’Neill. “Unfortunately someone made a complaint to the council so we invoked Suck it and See a fourteenth century bylaw that states that for a week villagers have to engage in the activity being complained about in order to create an informed opinion.” Continue reading

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Filed under Around Harold, Religion