Elderly shop assistant Elsie Duggan had the shock of her life yesterday when she discovered a family of illegal migrants hidden in a crate of bananas.
“Oooh it was horrible,” she said, still trembling at the memory. “Almost as soon as I ripped open the case, they started to force their way out and scattered to all corners. There were loads of them. I’m amazed that they could move so fast after being cooped up in there so long. There were arms and legs everywhere!” Continue reading
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Filed under Around Harold
Is Dave staying like this sustainable in the long term?
After putting on his serious face and calling the situation in Calais ‘unacceptable’ David Cameron has now raised fears that the government’s response is bobbins by going to the beach and burying his head in the sand.
“It’s nice and warm in here,” the Prime Minister said in a somewhat muffled statement. “And there’s no need for me to come out. My government has everything under control and our long-term strategy of closing our eyes and chanting ‘la la la’ is far and away the best permanent solution.” Continue reading
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