Hull – justifiably proud of its plentiful parking
Hull City Council today reassured potential visitors it has no travel ban list, and there is absolutely nothing whatsoever stopping people visiting Hull’s many attractions.
“No tourists have visited Hull in the last two years and it suddenly occurred to us that perhaps people thought we had a travel ban list” said the Lord Mayor of Hull Mary Glew.
“I think many would-be tourists were so excited about the prospect of visiting Hull, they just didn’t want to take the risk there was some sort of secret ‘banned list’ that would scuttle their holiday of a lifetime.”
Zhou prepares his signature dish ‘Rice’
A restaurant specialising in North Korean cuisine reacted furiously to being left out of the World ‘top 50’ list despite consistently recording customer satisfaction ratings in excess of 99.9%.
Dave Zhou, supreme proprietor of ‘the 38th Parallel’ in the sleepy village of Harold, told reporters that the World ‘top 50’ snub showed that the Judges were mere prawns in the Western Capitalist Pig Dog Global Conspiracy before clarifying to a hungry member of the press that yes, he did in fact take American Express.
Zhou, who is well known for his signature, and in fact only, dish ‘Rice’, said the Judges had failed to appreciate his ground breaking fusion technique: “I just pound the rice and cook it for a few minutes longer than usual and it all sticks together.”
Despite the criticism Newcastle United’s Alan Pardew has received from the public, football experts and Robbie Savage for his headbutt on a Hull player, Ed Miliband has said he can see the merits of the management technique of ‘laying one on the nut’ of the opposition’s team.
‘I wouldn’t normally advocate violence unless it involved an army, dodgy evidence and was in a country far from here” the Labour leader said.
“But after watching Match of the Day, the more I think about it the more I can see the benefits of moving Michael Gove out of my way in the voting lobby by “pushing him” with my head. Continue reading
Celebrations are in full swing in Hull
Hull, known for being the home of poet Philip Larkin, the Ferens gallery and the Truck theatre, will follow the 2013 City of Culture, Londonderry.
The UK government chooses a new destination every four years, with the aim of helping tourism and the economy.
Hull council leader Stephen Brady said winning was “a real game-changer”.
He added: “It will give Hull a platform to tell the world what this great city has to offer, transform perceptions and accelerate our journey to make Hull a prime visitor destination.”
TV producer Phil Redmond, who chaired the City of Culture panel, said Hull was the unanimous choice because it put forward “the most compelling case based on its theme as ‘a city coming out of the shadows'”.
[Editor’s note: Sharp-eyed readers will notice that this report is copied verbatim from the BBC website. We apologise, but unfortunately we were unable to make it any funnier.]
Filed under Culture, Travel