Tag Archives: Finland

Microsoft announces Finland ‘no longer supported’


C’est Fin.

Following its acquisition of Nokia phones, Microsoft has surprised cartographers by withdrawing all support for Finland.

Famed for its ability to absorb popular things and then fundamentally ruin them, Microsoft has already gained valuable experience in making phones virtually unusable with its Windows 8 operating system.

But while the corporate giant has been happy with only wrecking trivial things such as Skype, video games and social media, it now feels the time is right to bugger up a whole country.

Nokia’s vice-president Stephen Elop moved to the company from Microsoft in 2010, but disappointed the software giant by making their phones slightly better. Unwilling to risk another resurgence of the once-great mobile manufacturer, Microsoft is taking immediate steps to remove all traces of Finland.
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Filed under Business, Economy, Technology

Local couple training hard for World Cross Country Oral Sex Championships


Cheered on by an enthusiastic crowd in Basingstoke

A young couple from the village of Harold have spoken of their excitement at being chosen to represent England in the World Cross-Country Oral Sex Championships, held yearly in Finland.

In this ancient and traditional sport, a married couple must race over harsh mountain terrain, overcoming challenging obstacles and all the while indulging in mutual oral pleasure. The gruelling challenge proves too much for most competitors, and only the couples with greatest stamina, upper-body strength and head for heights stand a chance.

“We’ve been working so hard for this,” chirped bubbly Fiona Darling, 23. “My husband’s been up before dawn every morning for months, it’s been a real grind, but we’re ready. We won the UK championships in a close finish in Basingstoke back in April, and it’s amazing to find out we have a chance to bring it off again in Finland.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Dating, Sport