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Local couple training hard for World Cross Country Oral Sex Championships


Cheered on by an enthusiastic crowd in Basingstoke

A young couple from the village of Harold have spoken of their excitement at being chosen to represent England in the World Cross-Country Oral Sex Championships, held yearly in Finland.

In this ancient and traditional sport, a married couple must race over harsh mountain terrain, overcoming challenging obstacles and all the while indulging in mutual oral pleasure. The gruelling challenge proves too much for most competitors, and only the couples with greatest stamina, upper-body strength and head for heights stand a chance.

“We’ve been working so hard for this,” chirped bubbly Fiona Darling, 23. “My husband’s been up before dawn every morning for months, it’s been a real grind, but we’re ready. We won the UK championships in a close finish in Basingstoke back in April, and it’s amazing to find out we have a chance to bring it off again in Finland.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Dating, Sport

BBC apologises for breasts


Hello, what are these, then?

The BBC has apologised after inadvertently revealing to viewers of The Voice that there is an above-waist difference between men and women.

More than 1000 rabid drooling people smelling of urine phoned the corporation after Saturday night’s live final on BBC One to complain that presenter Holly Willoughby’s low-cut dress clearly showed that women have ‘upper body curvy places which might very well have nipples attached’.

The dress in question, a black lace affair, apparently revealed some five square inches of chesty skin, which caused a bespectacled man in Altrincham to spontaneously ejaculate in anger.

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Filed under Badgers, Farming, Fashion, Lifestyle, Showbusiness, Vicars