BBC apologises for breasts

Hello, what are these, then?

The BBC has apologised after inadvertently revealing to viewers of The Voice that there is an above-waist difference between men and women.

More than 1000 rabid drooling people smelling of urine phoned the corporation after Saturday night’s live final on BBC One to complain that presenter Holly Willoughby’s low-cut dress clearly showed that women have ‘upper body curvy places which might very well have nipples attached’.

The dress in question, a black lace affair, apparently revealed some five square inches of chesty skin, which caused a bespectacled man in Altrincham to spontaneously ejaculate in anger.

Reginald Closet, spokesman for Mediawatch-uk, the pro-censorship organisation founded by liberal pin-up girl Mary Whitehouse, spoke of his horror at the BBC’s actions:

“It absolutely beggars belief that this publicly-funded body would perpetuate the disgusting myth that men’s and women’s bodies are in some way different. The BBC have clearly used clever camera angles and pernicious lighting to give the impression that Holly Willoughby has things attached to her front which I, a man, do not possess. Let me reassure viewers that this is absolutely not the case, and my wife would agree. In fact, even more so.”

A BBC spokesman defended the pre-watershed show, insisting that producers “had no way of knowing that woman had deposits of fatty tissue hanging from their fronts.” “Veteran presenters such as Reginald Bosanquet or Frank Bough certainly never had them,” he pointed out, “Or if they did, they kept them largely to themselves.”

“The existence of these ‘breasts’, as they have come to be known, is something we’ve suspected for a long time but never been able to put our finger on,” he explained. “For many years we have simply assumed breasts to be some sort of silly hoax, but if it turns out that they are a thing after all, we’ll be the first to put our hands up.”

“Let me assure you,” he insisted, “That if it is found that women do indeed possess these things, we will immediately adjust our programming to feature females only seen from the rear. Possibly bent over something.”