Tag Archives: Coldplay

Glastonbury moving every year ‘to hide from Coldplay’

Revellers flock to new venue

Revellers flock to new venue

The Glastonbury festival will henceforth be changing location every year in an attempt to prevent Coldplay from finding it, it has been announced.

The music festival has been running successfully since 1970 but has been plagued in recent times by a reoccurring outbreak of Coldplay, causing stress and discomfort for many attendees.

Coldplay first performed at Glastonbury in 1927, and have headlined the main stage every year since then, apart from a gap for the last war, when they played the acoustic tent.

“I’m a tolerant man,” insisted founder Michael Eavis, “But I’ve finally had enough.”

“We’ve made it too easy for them to find us, staying in the same place over the years. In 1972 we tried to confuse them by hiding the stage behind a plant pot, but by the Sunday they’d found it.”

“Next year we’re putting the entire festival under a hedge in Wales, and I’ll be buggered if I’m telling them where.”

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Sadness as people realise Coldplay’s new break up album doesn’t mean what they thought it did

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The face of something contemplating a world in which Coldplay do not ever go away

Millions had their hopes dashed today when the meaning behind Coldplay’s so-called break up album was revealed. Despite expectation it’s not an album over which the band have broken up but merely one in which Chris Martin tits on endlessly about his ex-wife. Continue reading

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