Tag Archives: Business

Osborne ‘bailout’ for Tesco ‘will keep riffraff out of Waitrose’

tescoFollowing a disastrous loss of over £6bn, Tesco could face being nationalised by the chancellor.

George Osborne insisted that the store was ‘too big to fail’, particularly in towns where the ‘scum’ might end up in Waitrose.

“If there’s an Asda down the road, then it’s hardly a problem”, said Osborne. “There’s plenty of room for more of the little people in there.”

“But what if they neighbour a Booths, Marks and Spencers, or Waitrose? Let me assure you, I won’t let them eat brioche.”
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Crock of Gold was a Crock of Disappointment.

Lula-Belle is currently on vacation in the Maldives.

Lula-Belle is currently on vacation in the Maldives.

After the death of local businessman Brendon McDonald in March of this year, many villagers assumed that his estate would bequeath the bulk of Mr McDonald’s wealth to his son and daughter-in-law, but details of his will published today tell a very different story.

In his will, Mr McDonald repeatedly refers to his daughter-in-law of 36 years as ‘A gold digging tart’, who, he claimed, ‘only married my feckless, gullible son for his future wealth’. Close friends of McDonald confirm that he died unshaken in his belief that his son’s wife was little more than a cheap floozie who had nothing better to do in life that wait for her husband’s inheritance.

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