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by waylandsmithy | August 16, 2015 · 2:00 pm

Duchy Originals Brake Grease sells out thanks to ‘Queen Effect’

Suitable for vegetarians and even more annoying vegans.

Waitrose has run out of Duchy Originals Brake Grease, after the product was mentioned by the Queen.

Brake Grease is a guilt-free ‘miracle’ oil, which can reduce friction and princesses in busy households. Once the preserve of nobility, in ancient times it was known as ‘the fat of the landed’.

Prince Charles insists that all Duchy-brand products are organic. “One’s brake grease is sustainable, but completely untraceable”, he revealed. Continue reading →

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Tagged as brakes, Duchy Originals, grease, Prince Charles, Princess Diana

by waylandsmithy | July 23, 2015 · 8:09 am

BMWs recalled after hackers manage to activate indicators

Police warned the attack could make BMWs drive predictably.

BMW owners have been warned that they’re vulnerable to attack by hackers, after an owner reported that his car had been overcome by mystery flashing lights.

Using a computer to access the vehicle’s Infotainment system, hackers activated some redundant old code and let other road users know where the hell it was going.

Derek Hostage was driving his BMW X6 when the attack happened, and explained how the lights came on as he was cutting up an ambulance.

“The lights completely took me by surprise”, claimed Hostage, “so I swerved into a bus stop and stuck my fingers up at the waiting queue.”
Continue reading →